Only To Be With You : A 'Pride' Sidestory
by Jezz-Ra
Summary: Another sidestory for my Pride version of the Inuyasha world. This one focuses largely on Sesshy and Toga's relationship in the earlier days.


Only to Be With You - A sidestory for Pride (in the Name of Love)

Written by Jezz-Ra

Warnings - A bit of violence and language, yaoi, lime-ish

Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha, don't make money off it. Wish I did.

The main story 'Pride (in the Name of Love)' can be found under my author profile at any of my archive sites.

Archived at - inu. adultfanfiction. net, fanfiction. net, and mediaminer. org ::: Anywhere else, ask!

Questions or Comments? - Email me at megami _ no _ remon hotmail. com ((remove spaces))

// blah // indicates thoughts.

A/N - This story is written as a sidestory for the universe I have created in my massive epic fic, "Pride (in the Name of Love)". I suppose it could perhaps stand alone, but...well. Maybe not.

Seriously got my writing groove on the past couple weeks or something, all sorts of extra sidestories and such. I suppose I got tired of only having ONE thing posted under my name on half my sites...

I want to make it very clear that I do not know the canon circumstances of why Sesshy's mom ran off (or when in his life she did so), nor do I know the truth of his childhood. I also do not know if any of those things was ever revealed. So, whether or not they were... this is how things went in my 'Pride' version of the IY world. The kappa mentioned in this story is NOT Jaken, for the record, but might be distant family or something. An ancestor, perhaps. And as with all my fics, the title is either a song name or a line from a song. =D

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Sesshoumaru slithered through the tall grass, belly low to the ground. His long tail swished out behind him. His crimson eyes were locked on his prey. Carefully he stalked, one paw in front of the other, doing his best to remain silent. Almost there. When he was within striking range, he dove forward with what he felt was a particularly satisfying and terrifying roar of a bark, sharp teeth clashing together at his prey. He missed.

The butterfly flitted away just out of reach over his head. Toga watched in high amusement as his tiny puppy yipped excitedly and snapped at the fluttering insect. He lazily stretched out on his back, rolling in the grass and wiggling his shoulders a bit to try to alleviate a small itch. It was a beautiful, lazy day in the valley, and his belly was full after a successful hunt. To his credit, Sesshoumaru had been dead silent and paid complete attention to everything he had taught him about the hunt. His little pup was such a strange creature and could be so amusingly serious at times...

Sesshoumaru tripped over his long fluffy tail when he tried to execute a particularly acrobatic twist and slid face first into the grass, banging his sensitive nose on a rock. The puppy sat back and cried pitifully at the unexpected pain.

Toga rolled to his feet and walked over, nudging his pup with his nose and giving him a lick. "I think thats enough hunting practice for today, my Sesshoumaru...you are a mess. Time for a bath."

The puppy looked up at him with too-wide eyes and then bristled, trying to look fierce as he let out a little growl to show his displeasure at the thought of taking a bath. Toga was glad to see the strong alpha personality developing in his only son - it would make him a strong leader someday. This was good, considering he had no mate and wasn't even the tiniest bit interested in taking another - his firstborn was up to the task. He had been surprised and somewhat shocked when Sesshoumaru's mother had simply abandoned her pup to him and left for good.

He returned his full attention to his pup. It was good that Sesshoumaru would be a strong alpha, but he still had to know his place. Toga was, after all, still top dog. What he REALLY felt like doing was to laugh at the absurd sight of his bite-sized offspring defiantly staring him down. The best part about it was knowing how serious Sesshoumaru was. He really meant it. However, he could not allow his pup to be disobedient. He bristled himself and let out a single rough bark. The puppy before him cringed at the harsh sound and cowered down, ears and tail drooping. Toga eyed him for a moment before he allowed himself to slide back into his humanoid form.

Sesshoumaru took the cue and did the same, although it took him a lot more concentration. He scrambled after his father as Toga took his leave of the valley. He scowled a bit at the thought of his bath, even though he enjoyed the feeling of being clean very much and knew he was a mess from the warm bloody kill he had shared with his father as well as his romping through the grass. // Some day , when I'm not the Sun-and-Air, I won't have to take a bath when I don't want to. // he decided with a defiant little nod. His defiance wilted a bit, though. When he was no longer the Son and Heir, that would mean he was Lord and his Lord Father was gone. The thought made him sad and he hurried to walk beside Toga, trying to mimic his father's imperious stride and, to his credit, doing a fairly good job of it.

Toga smiled to himself and led his pup inside towards the bath. It was about time he found some tutors for the boy - Sesshoumaru was devilishly intelligent for his young age. And he would need to learn to fight properly...that was a task he intended to take on personally.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Another five years and Sesshoumaru saw his tenth summer. Features that were cute when he was younger were beginning the subtle shift into lines of grace and beauty. He had already burned off most of his baby fat in his training sessions with his father - as well as the ones he did of his own accord.

He had also proven to be as smart as his father had assumed and was doing amazingly well in his education. He chewed through his lessons and often did reading and research of his own. His father had even begun allowing him to sit in on important meetings and such, although his role was merely that of a silent observer.

Toga was terribly impressed and proud of his pup and made it a point to let Sesshoumaru know without showering the pup with praise. Sesshoumaru was prideful, he had learned, but this was not something Toga really tried to discourage. He was proud but did not let it blind him to his limitations. He would accept his failures with the same grace that he accepted his successes, although he would redouble his efforts to overcome whatever weakness he had inadvertently discovered.

Sesshoumaru hated to show weakness on any level. Even if he knew he was not capable of something, he still tried to make it seem that he was fully in control of the situation. Toga couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he thought back to their combat session this morning.

Sesshoumaru had executed an improper block and got a fairly hard whap from Toga's training sword. Toga had felt bad when he saw the tears glistening in the corner of his young pup's eyes, but Sesshoumaru had simply squared off against him, setting his shoulders and giving him that look of cold defiance and waiting for the lesson to continue.

The two of them were largely inseparable. They both had things they had to attend to on their own, but they shared all their free time together. For Sesshoumaru, his father was a god made flesh. He idolized him, wanted to be just like him and did all in his power to work towards that goal. Even if he was not working at becoming the demon his father was, he loved to simply be in his presence. Sesshoumaru had never made any effort to befriend the other children that lived in the castle, the children of the guard or the servants. He simply had no desire to spend time with them. Their games meant nothing to him. They could not understand the simple joy that was spending time with his Lord Father. It was special. It was something no one else could ever have, only him. In that way, his Lord Father belonged to him even though he knew with all his heart that it was really he that belonged to Toga and Toga alone.

Toga cherished his pup's presence, even though he really HAD made an effort to get Sesshoumaru to behave a bit more like the other children of the castle. He had learned, however, that Sesshoumaru truly had nothing but disdain for the company of others and would rather stay with him. Even though he felt a little selfish for it, Toga did nothing to further prompt his pup to embrace a more social existence. The truth of it was, he was lonely and Sesshoumaru was all he had. Yes, he loved his lands and his castle, and in a distant way the creatures of his kingdom that followed him...but ultimately none of those things warmed his heart the way his strange but precious little puppy did. So if the boy would rather curl up silently in the corner of his room to read a book while he worked or just sit with him and watch the sun set after dinner...well, he would do nothing to stop that.

Toga had set a kappa to help Sesshoumaru maintain his schedule properly. The imp took to his duty very seriously, honored that he had been chosen out of all his small tribe to serve in the House of Inu no Taisho. Sesshoumaru accepted the creature as if he had been just given a slime-covered toadstool. However, he enjoyed having a personal vassal - it made him feel lordly - even if the squawking green thing got on his nerves at times.

Toga was jerked out of his contemplation by a sharp rap on his door. He gave the order for his messenger to enter.

"My Lord, there is a ... a ... " The messenger paused, trying to think of the best way to phrase it. "Some sort of...dragon-ish youkai here. He claims he is a lord from a foreign land and is demanding an audience with you."

"Send him in, then," Toga said with a soft inward sigh. He had really hoped he would be spared interruption today. It was a dismally hot summer afternoon and he had intended to get his affairs in order quickly so he could take his pup for a swim. It would feel glorious.

Toga forgot all about delightful swims and such, however, when his guest actually entered. He had made an effort at a human form, but his bestial nature still shone through clearly. His skin was jet black. Massive, twisted horns sprouted from his forehead. All his features were a bit too reptilian. His fingers were tipped with sharp but heavy claws and a thick tail swished behind him. But all that would not have been enough to make Toga bat an eyelash. What DID concern him was the malevolent power that curled and coiled around the monster. It was strong, almost stronger than any he had felt in many a long year as Lord. It was not enough to make him worry, but it was assuredly enough that it made him very cautious and edgy. If this thing chose to attack, the fight would be dreadful.

It spoke, and its voice made Toga want to wince. Each word was a heavy, dark rasp that seemed to rake discordantly against his spine. "You must be the Inu no Taisho. I offer my greetings." The creature bowed ever so slightly. "I am Tsetsukosei, Lord of the Black Circle."

Toga's hackles immediately rose and a growl sprang unbidden to his throat. He remembered...

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Toga could not deny the desperation gripping his beautiful lover. Even as Sairex arched against him, his cry of ecstasy was wrapped hand in hand with a mournful note of loss. His own release a moment later was bittersweet - both of them knew this would be the last time they spent together.

Sairex curled against him, closing his eyes against the tears, but they came anyway. Toga's heart ached as he lightly trailed his fingers along the raven youkai's back in a gentle caress.

"Stay with me," he finally said softly, when his breathing had returned enough to allow him to speak normally.

"Toga...You know I can't."

Toga growled low in his chest and pulled Sairex tighter against him. "I don't care! Damn it, Sairex, I can't... I can't just let you go. Stay with me!"

Sad yellow eyes looked at him for a long moment before Sairex sighed, resting his head against Toga's chest and feeling the comforting rhythm of his heart. "Toga...If I ztay vith you, you know vhat vill happen. It vill cause a var and my life, at da very least, vill be forfeit. I vill be cast from da Clan and marked for death, and none of my people vould rest until I vas killed. Nor vould Zetsukosei and his Clan. Ve...ve both knew it vould come to dis. I never zhould have let you touch me in da first place..."

Toga frowned. "You regret what has happened between us?" His heart gave a nasty little twist at the thought.

Sairex propped himself up to look at Toga before shaking his head. "No...never dat. It...just makes everyting harder. It means too much to me. You...mean too much to me."

"Damn it all..." Toga growled in frustration.

"You know ve can't be together. Your parents vould come down on you too, albeit not vith fatal force like mine. You are da zole Heir to dese lands. Dey vill not have any more children. You vill have to carry on da family line. You vill be important in da eyes of zociety. You're duty-bound as much as I am."

"And what if I don't care?"

"But you do. You love dese lands. And you know how important you are. And Toga..." Sairex shut his eyes, his voice quiet and heavy. "I care too much about you to let you deztroy dem in a var dat can be avoided. I vill not risk your life. I do not.... I do not care zo much about vhat happens to me. Promise me you vill not try to come for me."

Toga growled and did not respond, his grip simply tightening around the raven's waist.

"Promise me, Toga! Do not make me vorry. Do not ruin dis vith regret. You have given me zomething precious dis zummer, I don't vant it ruined vith you dvelling on it and plotting a crazy rescue mission dat you von't zucceed in. You have to move on and zo do I, even if I..." Sairex stopped, leaving Those Words unsaid. They had always been unsaid, had to be unsaid. If either of them made them real, gave them power...how could they do what they needed to do?"

Toga closed his eyes tightly against the tears threatening him. "Sairex...have you seen yourself? You're covered in claw marks, you must have bled half to death...so many damn scars and wounds. He rips you apart on a nightly basis, and you want me to let him just HAVE you?"

"You have to, Toga. Maybe zomeday I vill be freer, I vill come back to ztay vith you. Even if only as a friend."

"You will always be in my heart, Sairex. Never just a friend to me. Please...don't leave." Even as he said those words, however, Toga knew it would do no good. This was goodbye.

Sairex buried his face in the inu's chest, biting back tears with all the force he could muster through a lifetime of training to hide his emotions and still failing miserably. Oh, he loved him...so much. Far too much. Toga had given him love, taught him to be happy, taught him joy and laughter and life. He was everything that had been absent from his dark world. He was the light that had filled the dark void in his heart, the one bright spark in his otherwise dismal existence. But if he stayed...if he did not leave this night to not return, to be mated to the horrid dragon that delighted so much in ripping his flesh and relishing in his pain...if he did not go, then war would be inevitable. His Clan and the dragon clan would fall on the West. Hell, if they knew of his relationship with Toga thus far, war would probably ensue. If Tsetsukosei ever found out he had not been a virgin by the time the dragon got his claws in him...

"Vhen my father dies and I am chief, dere vill be no authority in my clan above me. I vill do as I please. If, vhen dat happens and I am able...I vill come back to you. I promise."

Toga swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed Sairex tightly against him. Dawn was fast approaching, and their time together drawing to a horribly permanent close.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Tsetsukosei narrowed his smoky crimson eyes at Toga when the inu growled at him. "I trust your displeasure is not aimed at me..."

Toga swallowed the old rage boiling up within him. This was the beast that had taken his Sairex from him. Even now, all these hundreds of years later, he had never heard from the raven again. He assumed Sairex was still either in thrall to this monster or dead - he had never held out much hope for Sairex surviving that beast's 'love'. But on the slim chance that the raven still lived, it wouldn't do to give this Tsetsukosei the slightest hint that there had ever been more between them than friendship. Best not to borrow trouble for the raven if he could avoid it.

"What brings you to my castle?" he ground out, struggling to keep his voice level. He managed to keep the growl from his words, though his tone was frigid.

"A very long time ago, your kingdom and my own had dealings. Your kingdom is even more powerful than it was back then...and so am I. I wish to negotiate a trade agreement of sorts for our mutual benefit."

"We shall see. My kingdom wants for nothing at present, although I will at least hear your offer and give you quarter for the duration of your stay."

Tsetsukosei couldn't miss the iciness in the inu's tone, and it only confirmed his suspicions. He remembered clearly the night Sairex left him and his castle. The raven had smirked and told him that he had had another lover before him! He had DARED allow another to touch him before he had gotten his chance...and then the wretched bird had escaped before Tsetsukosei could do a thing about it.

The dragon-beast had went into a mad rage as he sought who could possibly have tainted his prize. His search did not prove as difficult as he had feared - Sairex had not associated with many prior to coming to stay in his castle within the Circle permanently. This damnable inu was the one that had taken what was his. Best to wait, however....

"I have need for an ally in the living world. I have much to offer, especially in the way of ...knowledge and magical lore." Tsetsukosei detailed, over the next couple hours, several uses of the Black Circle's power. Most of it was something Toga would never consider, such as summoning undead minions, but some of it WAS somewhat intriguing. Especially the knowledge of pathways to walk between worlds, essentially invisible to the world of the living but still able to see all that went on, traveling ghostlike through objects.

Even still, tempting as that was, Toga truly had no intent of making any sort of deal with this monster. However, as another demon lord, there was a certain protocol he must follow to minimize political damage and assure the damn thing had no cause to assault him. He really had no interest in bringing his lands to war.

Tsetsukosei likely knew he was not going to get anything out of Toga by the end of their meeting, as he was shown to the guest quarters. It didn't really matter. Toga didn't want anything from him, and all he had truly wanted from the inu was to figure out if he was indeed the one to claim Sairex first.

Tsetsukosei growled as the door shut to his chambers. He did not plan on staying long enough to really need a room. And, damn it all, Toga was infinitely more powerful than he recalled from his youth. If it came to blows, he was afraid he would lose - a fear that he had not had in a very, very long time.

// I will be damned if I let that dog escape my vengeance. He took what was rightfully mine, it is only right that he be forced to make restitution! //

The beast stalked around the room in agitation when a high pitched squeal from outside the window caught his attention. Slowly his gaze shifted out the window...and froze, his eyes latching on the pair of figures in the courtyard. One - the source of the annoying squealing - was a small green kappa. But that was not what caught the dark beast's eye. It was the creature with the kappa...

He was a beautiful little thing, and the resemblance to his father was unmistakable. He had a long fall of silver hair and intense golden eyes, perfectly formed features and pale skin.

// Oh ho, so the Inu no Taisho has a little puppy. My, what a pretty little thing... he looks absolutely delectable... // Tsetsukosei kept his gaze locked on Sesshoumaru and allowed himself to fantasize about breaking the delicious little creature before ripping him apart and devouring him. A wicked grin crossed his lips and a warm thread of arousal coiled through him as he idly wondered how loud he could make that puppy scream...

The kappa was waving his arms frantically and chasing Sesshoumaru. "But please, Lord Sesshoumaru, you have to come inside for your lessons! Your tutor will be most displeaaaahhhh!!!" The kappa trailed off into a scream as Sesshoumaru whirled and punted the little creature halfway across the courtyard with one well-placed kick. A smirk settled onto his face before he turned and resumed his previous trek, oblivious to the hungry crimson eyes watching him.

Tsetsukosei stalked out of his room and sought out Toga, having reached his decision. The inu lord was none too happy to see him, but could not very well ignore him.

"Inu no Taisho, I have reached my decision. I will leave your lands in peace...and teach you to utilize some powers as I originally offered."

Toga was wary, and did not like the dark look on the demon beast's face. "And in return?"

"The silver-haired pup of yours...you will turn him over to me." Tsetsukosei managed to keep only some of the hunger from his voice.

Toga couldn't believe what he just heard, and he let out a low and dangerous growl. "Get out."

"I will destroy all you hold dear if you do not accept my terms, Inu no Taisho. My vengeance will not be merciful!" Tsetsukosei growled in response, flexing his claws. Oh, no...he would not be denied and just go quietly....

"You will never so much as breathe air near my Sesshoumaru again, beast. If you do not leave, I will destroy you." Toga's fingers twitched eagerly near the hilt of his blade, and Tsetsukosei growled dangerously in return.

"I will not forget this. You have taken what was mine and refuse to give me what I wish in restitution. I will not forget, Inu no Taisho!" With a thunderous roar, Tsetsukosei vanished.

Toga growled in a white-hot rage where the demon had just been before panic gripped his heart and he tore through the castle until he located Sesshoumaru. He breathed a deep sigh of relief to see his pup was unharmed. Tsetsukosei seemed to be gone, but Toga was not about to let up his guard.

// Took what was his?...What could he mean? Hn....I never had dealings with him. But if he thinks he'll get my Sesshoumaru while I yet live...he is a bigger fool than I ever imagined. I would die a thousand deaths before I let anyone ever lay a finger on my precious pup... // "Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru inclined his head respectfully as Toga approached. "My Lord Father..."

"Come. I am done for the day, we will go out to the sea."

Sesshoumaru nodded in agreement, keeping his expression neutral but unable to hide the delight that lit up his eyes as he fell into step next to Toga. Toga gave him an affectionate smile as they headed out. // No... no one will dare harm you so long as I live...and by the end of my days, you will be strong enough that no one will be able. Let the dragon try...if I see him again, I will kill him. //


End file.
